


Of Fanmail and Lists and Rainbow Bracelets

by dizzy



Category: Glee RPF
Genre: Drug Use, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-10
Updated: 2013-11-10
Packaged: 2018-01-01 00:35:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1038247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dizzy/pseuds/dizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For Mia.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Fanmail and Lists and Rainbow Bracelets

Over the course of one evening, Chris and Darren manage to compile - accidentally at first, and then with great and delirious purpose - a list of five reasons why one should not answer fanmail whilst intoxicated on their particular substance of choice.

 **One.** Fans leave their phone numbers, and Darren happens to be a fan of the musical voicemail message. Combine that with Chris's fondness for dirty limericks as verbal calling cards, and a battle of who-can-scar-the-most-fans ensues.

 **Two.** They have a tendency to forget which folded up sheets of paper are artwork done as fans and end up using them as, among other things: coasters, wobbly chair wedges, paper footballs, toys for Brian, makeshift brooms for bits of weed that have escaped the joint they're splitting, or scratch paper for a game of Are-We-Psychic.

("Whoa, what if we're psychic, Chris, man, I bet we're fucking PSYCHIC, we're so in tune."

"Darren, you're dumb."

"I knew you were thinking that!!"

"Fine, then - then read my mind, read it again - I'll write something down-"

"Is it blowjob?"

"OH MY GOD, DARREN-"

Spoiler: They're not psychic, just horny.)

 **Three.** Twitter, and fans that leave their handles. Much along the same lines of the voicemails, except everyone can see. (Even if Ricky deletes it two minutes later, the internet has eyes and never forgets.)

 **Four.** Inappropriate and perverted usage of certain gifts. It doesn't matter how many times Chris tries to try to tell Darren these presents were probably made by twelve year old girls in pigtails sitting in their bubble-gum pink bedrooms with Rachel Berry songs on loop, it never fails that if it will fit on his cock Darren is putting it on his cock.

It's one of those laugh-or-cry moments for Chris, so naturally he laughs so hard he cries and then ends up sucking Darren off with his nose jammed against hard plastic beads.

("That's no fucking twelve year old, babe, it says Blow Me on it. I mean it's like she wants me to put it on my junk."

Chris snatches it away. "No, I get the blow me one. You're keeping the one you got come on."

"It has more of your spit on it than my come." Darren complains, but not really, because he just came his brains out and he's feeling pretty floaty-perfect right now.

"Ew. That's not hot," Chris informs him.

What Chris said about taking the bracelet finally catches up to Darren right around that moment.

"You want the bracelet for your dick?" Darren's face lights up. "Match dick bling!"

"No! Stop that! Bad Darren!" Chris bops him on the head.

Darren pouts. "Then what are you taking it for? And why don't you want our dick bling to match?"

"Stop saying dick bling. And it's for my - for - nothing, just - I'm keeping it." Chris gives him a prissy, superior look and jams it into the pocket of his pajamas. Three weeks later, when he unearths the pajamas from where they'll eventually end up shoved under his bed, he'll find the bracelet and be both embarrassed and a little bit turned on.)

 **Five.** They just end up fucking on it anyway.


End file.
